I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize