the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
