So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
