I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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