I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
