Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
