jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize