Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
