They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
