I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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