Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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