I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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