im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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