Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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