I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
