The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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