Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
