Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
