just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
