I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
