I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
