my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
