it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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