another moral hangover. fuck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
