if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dick very happy bro
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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