I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
