xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
