Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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