What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
