Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize