I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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