after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
