OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
