yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You can't motorboat a personality
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize