The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
