I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
