I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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