please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
