There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize