I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize