"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
