Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
