I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
