i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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