allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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