Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
