she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I should be sponsored by Trojan
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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