Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
