just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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