just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
