I just saw a hot homeless man
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
