i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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