I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
