I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
