we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
