the new term for farting is butt boxing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have surprise drugs for everyone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
