I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
