I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
