I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
