Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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