So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize