You work out of a Hotel?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't think brook has ever known best
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
