he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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