i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
