You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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