Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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