drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
