How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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