Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize