didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
