I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
