I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
