Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
