its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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