his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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