Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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