Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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