he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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