Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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