In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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