the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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