I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
