You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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