I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
