So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize