i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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