I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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