i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
