I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
