Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
