that's an acceptable place to lick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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