I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
