I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
