He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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