just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
