You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
