Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize