Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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