I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize