I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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